best joke youve ever heard or said?

Robt Heemstra: Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them accidentally slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony, both hands to his crotch. She runs down to him, apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain. "No, thanks. Just give me a few minutes. I'll be fine," he replies quietly, hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently unzips his fly and starts massaging his privates. "Doesn't that feel better?" she asks. "Well, yes. That feels great," he admits, "but my thumb still really hurts."...Show more

Bettye Arre: George W Bush talking sense. for 20 seconds at a stretch.

Sammy Kar: So this penguin takes his truck in and tells the mechanic "I'm going to get a bite to eat, can you tell me what is wrong with my truck when I get back?". The mechanic replies "Shure I'll see you later then." after a while the p! enguin returns and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "No, I just had ice cream."

Stephnie Patout: :)) !your momma looks like a twinkie LOLOLOLOL !!!!!!!!!!!!

Eldridge Rieves: Where does a good general keep his armies?Why, in his sleevies of course!

Jed Porada: A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, 'Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.''Then why are you so sad?' her mother asked.'Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell.'Her mother replied, 'Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is!!!...Show more

Clifford Riggleman: A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde,"! her mother replied.The next day, the girl came skipping home ! from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."...Show more

Rick Duchane: A Small Joke:I rear ended a car a few days ago....... The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!He was pi*sed!He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"I said, "Then which one are you?...Show more